Deep dislike of being photographed you say, oh, I get
that. I am not a fan of those chest-out-duck-lips-posing-in-the-bathroom
photos so very popular with women these days. When the camera comes out
I cringe and simply want to be ignored, or better yet remain behind the
camera. Don't push, don't ask, just let me be, I don't want my picture
taken. I can pinpoint the precise moment, incident, etc. that induced
this shyness phobia. Funny thing is, as a young girl I was a bit of a
ham and didn't mind being playful in front of the camera, but that
changed and I never felt relaxed in front of a camera again. It was
pretty much when my Thyroid condition started around 6th Grade and I was
being teased in school for my appearance, and then seeing pictures of
myself was a horrifying experience on top of that! The photographic
evidence of everything that was physically wrong is painful to remember
and relive. Somehow I have gotten caught up in that place, and the
associations of that period and of the "me" I was when I was sick and
being photographed today isn't a pleasant experience I believe because of
those associations. I don't want to see the photo and have to take in
what I don't like seeing there, as I had to as child when I saw photos
of myself. I was a slightly more outgoing, social child prior to all
that, and then suddenly the shell thickened and remains today most
likely because of those experiences. Confronting that is something to
work on, and expressing where it comes from and what triggers those
emotions is powerful. Sure, one little post isn't a cure, but it's a
start and it always feels good to express those inner emotions and
turmoils.
K
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